Thursday, January 10, 2008
Coming To Terms with Myself
I realized something about myself the other night that I'm not very proud of. While I talk a lot about helping those less fortunate than myself, and do to a VERY small degree, I'm not doing it for the right reason. This realization came about as the result of coordinating the donation of gifts to a needy family for my Mothers & More group. I was reporting back to the members on how the delivery went. We made the donation to a single mom with two small children, and I was very disappointed because she didn't behave like one of the people you see on TV whose just been given a whole new house and I judged her as a result! Yes, this has more to do with myself than it does her. This really drove home the point for me that I wanted to do this to satisfy my own ego. As a part of this same conversation I also realized that I am afraid to meet real need. It scares me to think about putting myself out there that much. I've been thinking about this a great deal and I've prayed about it. I'm still not sure exactly how to overcome this. I plan to keep asking for direction. I also plan to keep giving...not so that I can eventually meet the person who will be overcome with emotion at the small difference I might make in their life, but because this little voice is telling me that the way to grace is to just keep doing it.