Thursday, January 10, 2008

Coming To Terms with Myself

I realized something about myself the other night that I'm not very proud of. While I talk a lot about helping those less fortunate than myself, and do to a VERY small degree, I'm not doing it for the right reason. This realization came about as the result of coordinating the donation of gifts to a needy family for my Mothers & More group. I was reporting back to the members on how the delivery went. We made the donation to a single mom with two small children, and I was very disappointed because she didn't behave like one of the people you see on TV whose just been given a whole new house and I judged her as a result! Yes, this has more to do with myself than it does her. This really drove home the point for me that I wanted to do this to satisfy my own ego. As a part of this same conversation I also realized that I am afraid to meet real need. It scares me to think about putting myself out there that much. I've been thinking about this a great deal and I've prayed about it. I'm still not sure exactly how to overcome this. I plan to keep asking for direction. I also plan to keep giving...not so that I can eventually meet the person who will be overcome with emotion at the small difference I might make in their life, but because this little voice is telling me that the way to grace is to just keep doing it.

4 comments:

Jen@The Cottage Nest said...

Maybe the key is doing things anonymously or doing them and not telling anyone. At least you realize your weaknesses. Many of us don't.

Mrs. Pivec said...

This is tough, but so, so human. :) I love how God is always at work - blessing the gifted and growing the giver.

It's just good that you noticed, Marianna, and that you'll continue to give. It's the same with hospitality, I find. I can invite many people over and treat them to a wonderful time... or I can bake bread for the new neighbor on the street and then never hear from either again. It is frustrating, but not the point. The point is to just go ahead and obey.

restyled home said...

It is very brave for you to own up to that...I think many of us have that "flaw", but I don't think we immediately have to flog ourselves about it. I think recognizing it is key, and perhaps also realizing that it may also be about us wanting other's good manners to kick in...which doesn't always happen. I always hold doors for people, because I think it is right and was raised to do so, but it still irritates me when the person doesn't say thank you. So, what does that mean?

The important thing is you are actually doing for others...your motivation for doing so is less important, I think.

Linda
xoxo

Patty said...

the way I have gotten past the very same thing, is to have no expectations and not do it for appearance sake, I have an ego that has needed taming for most of my life. And to give completly in love, knowing that making a persons life a little better, even if they are unawares, is all that counts.
So many times, those that fall on hard times, have so much baggage, they can't respond as if they had none.

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